Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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