I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
