is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
