Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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