Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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