it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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