two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
