So drunk its hurt
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I die, sorry about rent.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
