Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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