saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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