If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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