I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
