All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
