It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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