I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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