I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
