I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
