Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
