Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
