if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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