Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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