That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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