im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
