good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
