is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
