Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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