i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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