I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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