i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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