i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
