i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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