so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
