Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
