I want to stick my p in your. b.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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