No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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