I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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