Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
