hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
