The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
