I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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