You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
