Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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