dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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