we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
