I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
