I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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