Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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