stop calling my apartment porn island.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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