when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
