genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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