It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
